ZA MAGAZINE // seek truth.

Friendship is one of the strongest bonds any person can make with another person. Some say friendship is stronger than family, which may or may not be true depending on your family life. In my life, it can reach a point when friends are like family. You sacrifice for them. You love them. As Jesus says in John 15:12, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you,” we must love others as Jesus loves us. That love is unconditional. To me, that love is Christian Friendship.

Friendship means to love one another as Jesus loves us, but what happens when there is a dispute between you and your friend? How do Christian friends solve differences? How does one confront the sin in his or her friend’s life while still being a true friend with love in mind?

Matthew 18:15-17
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

Here we see what needs to be done with our disputes. We must bring them up to the offender one on one. There doesn’t need to be some sort of intervention (at least not yet). Jesus commands us to act in love, and bring it up when you are alone with the person, so as to minimize embarrassment.

If that doesn’t work, then it is up to a few Christian brothers and sisters to get together and address the problem as a small group. Again, out of love, the dispute must be brought to light, and with the Gospel in mind, the dispute must be resolved.

If a small group of friends will not solve the problem with their Christian friend, then the problem must be brought in front of the church. If the person in the wrong will not heed the message of the church, then they must be cast out and no longer be called a friend.

HARSH! But it’s the best way to call out a brother or sister that is living in sin. It is our duty to look out for one another, and by that, we must take on the sins of others as if they were our own. We must remember love and the message of the Gospel when doing so, and we can ‘gain our brother’ if he listens. Jesus speaks of this in John after speaking about His greatest commandment:

John 15:14
14 You are my friends if you do what I command you.

The definition of friendship to Jesus is following His commandment of love. Even in disputes, love must be evident. If your friend is truly a Christian, love will be returned, and the dispute will be resolved. But this is not the end of your responsibilities as a Christian friend.

Matthew 7:1-5
1 “Judge not, that you be not judged.
2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.
3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?
5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

Jesus is calling out everyone to check on their own weaknesses and sins before trying to help others with their sins. The responsibility of all Christians is to be sure their own sins are extinguished so that they may be pure and ready to face sin in their friends. Jesus says it will help us see clearly in order to pick out sin in our friends.

In this way, every Christian is looking out for one another by not only solving disputes with love in their hearts, but also keeping sin away from themselves through reflection and prayer. As you can see, a Christian friendship requires more dedication and self-awareness than other friendships, but because Jesus is at the center, they are much stronger than the others.

I hope for your own sake that you are one of many friends in a group of strong Christians. They will watch after you as they watch out for themselves. They will be true friends. With Christ in their hearts, no action will be lacking in love, and no dispute will go unresolved. For what more can you ask of a friend?

Buzz